Pan-Afrikan Parenting: R/evolution Is Love
Parenting is tough — but being an Afrikan parent inside of empire? Sheesh. It’s a full time job just trying to keep our babies away from the constant kkkapitalist propaganda that seems to be EVERYWHERE. And honestly, as much as I want to believe I always resist it, I don’t. I always wanna buy my daughters Jordan’s, or some jewelry. My boys are getting into(also read as stealing mine) shoes and clothes, and I remember going through these phases myself. And I remember my daddy trying his best to steer me away from kkkapitalism; wearing the same few pair of Levi’s for damn near my whole life, I remember how he taught me the need to take care of my things to make them last. But as a kid I just remember feeling like I didn’t have enough. I remember one birthday in high school my pops gifted me a graphing calculator that I needed for school because that was the only time he could afford it. Now, by no means did I have nothing; my pops always made sure I had all the sports equipment necessary for me to compete at my best. But I am also learning, as a father myself, the ways in which who my daddy was gave me privileges in my life. I see that with my babies now, and I am so thankful for it. My babies get to experience things and meet people and be loved on by folx, that I know when they are grown, they will forever cherish.
One of things that me and my oldest have learned to cherish is our time in the car together. He lives with me but visits his mom who lives a few hours away on the weekends, so we spend a lot of time in the car together. It gives us time to talk, to laugh, to cry, to fight, to make up, to freestyle and recently to begin writing a music project together. It’s teaching both of us so much; about each other, about how similar we are, how to be creative, how to remember to be silly, how to communicate ideas, how to dream, how to create. It’s so beautiful, and for me it’s something that allows us to be learning about what it is we believe in — and that’s love. I am able to witness my son gain confidence in his voice to speak his truth, and what I am seeing is that he sees and believes that r/evolution is love.
My oldest daughter, that girl KNOWS r/evolution is love. When I say she KNOWS it, that girl KNOWS it. She is still learning to read but she has almost memorized the whole poem. When Assata says “r/evolution means protecting the people. the plants. the animals. the air. the water.” baby girl is trying to protect the people. the plants. the animals. the air. the water. She’s ready to fight the older boys at school because they don’t like the cat that has adopted our house. She makes sure the cat is fed, and she builds the cat a house almost every day. Her art depicts how much we love our people, and particularly our babies, and how serious it is that we fight for them. It alarms or shocks some adults, even mom(my wife) at times, but me and her aunties(who are also her learning guides at MXA) see it — she understands what it means to love our people. She is still so shy though, she has her voice and it is so strong and loud, but she only wants to use it in front of the people she fully trusts right now. She isn’t sure enough yet to be proud of her voice no matter what, but she is getting there, and that growing process has been so beautiful to see.
My children’s breathing practices is something I have become so grateful to witness as well. In the middle of my son’s intense basketball game, he was fouled and with big free throws on the line, I watched him take 3 deep breaths before making both free throws. Now, again maybe to you that’s normal but I know my 11 year old scorpio child and that nigga can have BIG emotions. And to watch him, on his own take those breaths made me understand that it is working; despite all the rolled eyes and big sighs we have gotten at school when we practice our breathing, it is paying dividends. Despite my background in sports, my son still has a hard time believing, or maybe better listening, to my advice on how to best pursue his athletic ambitions but one thing we do together that he enjoys is watching games and breaking them down, no matter the sport. So after his games last week, we watched the NFL playoffs, and it gave us a chance to breakdown a lot. My son is a hooper, and in true fashion cries about the refs a lot in his games, something I can’t stand and tell him to play and let his coach and/or the stands handle that. So while watching the AFC game we talked about the economy of pro sports and how the chiefs were the more favorable/marketable team for the NFL because of the Taylor Swift effect and Mahomes, etc.. But it also gave us a chance to dive into the “Black Quarterback” conversation and colorism and even how Mahomes has a european partner — while Lamar Jackson is a dark skin, hair braided Afrikan, who doesn’t seek to speak the kkkolonizers language “properly” who plays in a Chocolate City. My son began to question the fairness in some of the flags, despite being a part-time Chiefs fan. We spoke about how these leagues are a business, which was great because foreshadowed the week at school as we were to discuss kkkapitalism. In one of the lessons, scholars were given job roles and asked to pay rent, bills, and the things to live. In the simulation, my son randomly got the athlete role, but quickly learned that despite his larger salary than most of the other players, he was still simply a worker in the trap of kkkapitalism. He had began to understand how even pro athletes are not above the ramifications of speaking out and why some choose to be quiet. I can see him doing the work to wrestle with those contradictions and that makes me proud.
My youngest, well that baby is our reminder that “we will fight if we are forced to, but the fundamental goal of r/evolution must be peace.” Getting ready to turn three in a few days, her emotional intelligence is out of this world. And despite all the best loves she can give, she can also be our most fierce fighter when it’s time to do something. “Me no want to do that!”, “but I don’t want to”, “no”; the other day she even told her sister “you don’t have to be so rude about it” and her mom “I’m mad at you for brushing my hair when I didn’t want you to.” But the conversations we are able to have with our almost three year old about autonomy and needs is a gentle reminder that “r/evolution means respecting and learning from your children.”
Parenting is hard y’all. But intentional parenting through a pan-afrikan lens can be especially difficult given our terrain. But I encourage all of our people to spend time to actively and intentionally parent our babies away from empire and to draw out the contradictions for them. Do not allow our babies to be sucked into the illusion empire paints. We must paint our own pictures for our babies, so they too can paint, not only their truths but our future as well.
